Career . 02/28/2008 11:27 AM . Joshua Carden

Unless you have been reading Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad, Poor Dad series since the womb and have already hit the entrepreneurial trail more than once by now (with something more than your idea for a machine that provides “beer-on-demand” and simultaneously writes your research paper thus allowing you to read edgy but classy internet magazines), your post-college options are somewhat limited:

A. Move back in with your parents.
B. Get a job working for someone else. A job that hopefully pays you enough money so you don’t have to move back in with your parents – like figuring out dolphin language.
C. More school – which may or may not involve you moving back in with your parents.
D. All of the above.

At various times, I have done all of the above (excepting the dolphins). First, a word about moving back in with your parents after college.

I need to be very honest with you: they really don’t want you back.

They may say that they are happy to have you, and utter platitudes like “stay as long as you need to.” They lie. After feeding you, changing your messy diapers at 2 a.m., feeding you, putting up with rap music at 2 a.m., feeding you, waiting anxiously for you to get home at 2 a.m. (there’s something unique about that hour), and feeding you, they are DONE WITH YOU.

Case in point: In 2005, when I moved back to Texas from Arizona, I lived for 4 months with my mother until I could find a house. I brought along my wife of 1 year and my 3-month-old baby girl. My mother gushed about how wonderful it was to have all of us in the house again (ALL of my siblings happened to be living there at the moment as well) – and then promptly put the three of us into the room next to the kitchen. Not a problem, unless you also live with your slightly deaf grandmother, who eats at odd hours (2 a.m.), banging the pots and pans, exciting her Shih-Tzu who barks, waking my light-sleeping baby who cries, waking my light-sleeping wife who curs….cries, waking heavy-sleeping me up to either restore order or find a different sofa to sleep on!

It’s not that you CAN’T move back in with your parents – you just need to know the truth: Your room was converted into the non-bedroom-fun-space-they’ve-always-wanted the moment you vacated, and behind that through-gritted-teeth, “No, no, of course you don’t need to pay rent; you’re my BABY!” is the truth: they resent having to convert it back.

But I digress. I really want to talk about jobs. I have both sought them, and made them. As a result, I can plumb for you the mysterious depths of gainful employment. I will now share with you “what employers are looking for.”

1. Someone who will work.

Um, this may seem as plain as the nose on Adrien Brody’s face, but I can assure you it is not obvious to everyone currently employed. If you’re in, just before, or just out of college, chances are you’re a platinum-level member of the technology club. Internet surfing, email, texting, Bluetooth, and cell phones are practically a cyborgian (not a real word) extension of your body a la The Matrix mind jacks. Believe it or not, employers, regardless of their age, want your full attention to be on the job they are paying you to perform! If you are constantly fighting the alt-tab battle to hide your Google Talk windows or updating your social networking profiles during office meetings to reflect which shoes you’re wearing that day, well, it’s hard to argue that actual progress toward the company objective is occurring.

The remedy: Make a conscious daily decision to be fully at your job and focused on the tasks at hand – regardless of how fun they are. Your friends should respect you for it (aside: they don’t care about your footwear). Your employer certainly will.

Example: My brother is an extremely focused worker. I can’t say that I’ve ever had more than a 1 minute cell phone conversation with him during the day if he was on the job. His bosses love his drive and dedication and have promoted him accordingly. I’ve read that a single 15-second interruption can actually cost you 15 minutes – the time it takes to return to the same level of focus and intensity you had before the interruption. I’d go look up where I read this, but I’m busy writing. That said, if you get 32 evenly-spaced text messages in a day, you’ve killed 8 hours worth of focus. Time is money (especially if you bill by the hour) – why destroy your most precious commodity?

2. Someone who will behave in a professional manner.

So what does “professional” mean? It’s hard to define, but I know it when I see it. So do other employers. It’s a bit nebulous; a certain – as the French say – “I don’t know what.” But it’s really important. This is not a maturity rant – if you’re 18, go ahead act your age. But you can still be professional. I’m also going to try not to be overly specific as to clothing, piercings, tattoos, or hairstyles. However, be aware of your surroundings and your profession-of-the-moment. You want to stand out from the crowd for more reasons than your appearance.

In my profession (law), conservative clothing is not only the norm, it is a requirement. I will never forget the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist peering over the dais of the highest Court in the land at a young, well-dressed, female lawyer appearing there for the first time. With her thirty precious minutes of argument about to begin, with one chance to make that crucial first impression to the Supreme Court, Chief Justice Rehnquist preempted her introduction by saying sternly, “Brown is not an acceptable color, counselor.” I felt everyone in the room suck in their breath. How do you come back from that? How do you explain it to your client?

Now, if you’re in the music store business, go crazy; if elsewhere, “expressing your individuality” does not require feather boas, grillz, and/or ball caps worn at the 2 o’clock angle. The TLC show “What Not To Wear” (don’t judge me) frequently makes the point that someone who wants to advance in a profession has a better chance to do so when their wardrobe matches their profession. Or matches at all. Take it from my wife, I used to dress terribly. Fortunately, she rescued me from the nerdery and now my clothes not only fit, they look nice as well. At least I assume they do, because my office has thanked her more than once ( Editor’s note: So does his immediate family ).

Truthfully though, inappropriate clothing is not the chief annoyance to the employer. Bringing your personal baggage to work and wearing it on your sleeve all day ranks even lower than violating the no flip-flops rule. Saturday Night Live alum Tina Fey recently and infamously remarked (and I shall paraphrase) “[Being a formidable woman] is the new black.” She is wrong (and unfunny). If you’re in the “service industry,” take an afternoon and visit any Ritz-Carlton hotel for how to behave. The motto of the Ritz staff: “ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.” You tell one of them “thank you,” they respond “my pleasure.” You almost feel like they’ve mistaken you for someone famous, until you see them treating your crazy uncle Horace the same way.

My point is this: if you deal with PEOPLE at your job AT ALL, you should invest some time in learning business etiquette. The dividends can be personally (and financially) lucrative. A pleasant voice, eye contact, a firm handshake, a smile, a willingness to learn/be taught, modest clothing (girls and guys), trimmed facial hair (hopefully just guys), and the absence of gum and the word “like” as a vocal comma – all of these can add much to your value as an employee AND make up for an otherwise inexperienced resume.

3. Someone who will go the extra mile.

This is a bit more subtle, but can transform you from Clark Kent to Superman in the eyes of your employer. It takes some creative thought and extra energy, AND a willingness to go unnoticed for a season. It certainly takes more than Office Space protagonist Peter Gibbon’s willingness to work “just hard enough to avoid getting fired.” I’m talking about the little things – going above and beyond the call of duty to solve problems that were waiting for you to come along.

The old saying “build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door” is analogous here. For this context, I would rephrase it to say “solve an unsolved problem, and employers will beat a path to your door.” Is there a process in your company that is awkward and inefficient? Ask your boss for a chance to try something new. Is there a pile of paper that needs attention but no one is willing to spend the time to tackle it? Grab it and deal with it while eating lunch at your desk instead of going out. Ask your boss if there is anything extra needed before you leave for the day.

Now, I’m not talking about “kissing up” or doing someone ELSE’S job on a regular basis – that can breed resentment and frustration impossible to disguise. But don’t assume that an unassigned pile of work IS someone else’s job. It might instead be your opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to the company’s success. Look humbly beyond your job description to see what needs to be done for the good of the company overall. That can vault you from somewhere in the middle of the herd to a leadership role in a big hurry. And you don’t have to toot your own horn about it – trust me, someday, in some job, someone up the chain of command will notice your efforts and reward you accordingly.

In conclusion, you can practically guarantee your own job security by making yourself an indispensable employee. When your employer knows that they can count on you to work, be professional, and go the extra mile, they will move heaven and earth to keep you around. If they can’t promote you high enough or pay you well enough to keep you, they will write glowing letters of recommendation, proudly watch you climb the ladder of success, and invoke your name as a shining example of “the model employee” the next time they have to reprimand an employee who didn’t read this article.

Joshua Carden is an attorney and small-business owner in Weatherford, Texas. He is also a freelance writer with emphasis on the “free.”



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